Golf Limerick Poems » Tiger

2010 U.S. Open Limericks

Mike — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 22:30:22 +0000

It was a tough U.S. Open tournament this year. Pebble Beach was setup with hard, fast greens that made getting the ball close very difficult, especially on the back nine. All the big names faltered into the finish. Graham McDowell faltered just a little less to take home the championship.

Phil had his chances to win it
And tried on the front nine to skin it.
But he three putted twice
And his score paid the price
So by end he was no longer in it.

Seems Tiger was thought a contender
His Saturday round such a splendor.
But a front nine plus three
Aborted his spree
And the back nine then forced his surrender.

Ernie had started off strong
And at one point was leading the throng
But a crash and a burn
On three holes at the turn
Saw the Championship waving ’so long’.

Who in the world is Havret (Have-ray)
And where did he find his good play?
He bested a crew
Of notables who
By rights should have blown him away.

In the end ’twas a lad named McDowell
Who refused to just throw in the towel.
This week he was gifted
So pints were all lifted
And you could hear Northern Ireland howl.

Graham McDowell

More pictures…

Myrtle Beach Golf

Mike — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 19:27:59 +0000

Getting to Myrtle Beach from the San Francisco Bay area is such a pain. It’s two legs minimum and this year a red-eye in order to use frequent flyer miles. Of course, once we’re there, all is forgiven…

We got in the next day at eleven,
A red-eye to reach golfer heaven.
We’re in Myrtle beach
With my first round a peach,
I carded a seventy-seven.

Myrtle Beach is all about golfing and drinking, and drinking and golfing, and golfing and drinking, and…you get the picture…

We don’t play for applause or the cheers
But instead, the music to our ears,
Is popping the top
Outside the snack shop
On a fresh, new iced bag-o-beers.

For some reason, Myrtle Beach always brings out the theatrics in Jeff. This year it was a bitter dispute with a hybrid…

It soared thru the air with such height
‘Tis a shame it was such a short flight.
But clubs cannot fly
And I heard no good-bye
As it splashed and then sunk out of sight.

Mike’s last putter lesson from Stevie paid big dividends in Myrtle although we also suspect his Dad’s unfailing attendance at church…

Mike’s putter this week was on fire
As if from a new found desire.
But always there’s mention
Of divine intervention,
Was it Stevie or someone else higher?

Thanks to Mark who suggested this topic. I’m quite proud of this one…

First Tiger and Hank had a breakup
And then Mike and Joey, a shakeup.
But when Jeff said good-bye
To his bottle of Skyy,
He just bought another to makeup.

Tiger’s Taking All the Heat

Mike — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:10:02 +0000

You’ll have to pardon all the new looks for the site. I can’t make up my mind. It’s a good thing we got a round in over the weekend because its gotten cold although Tiger’s still feeling the heat. He’s a limerick writers dream! Take a look at my new Golf Tips section. You can’t get lessons like this at any price!

Only the most intrepid golfers are out at the crack of dawn in this weather…

In the winter it’s tougher to find
The players who show but don’t mind,
About cold or some sun
It’s part of the fun
When your brain and the game are entwined.

Seems most of my golf bets with Mike end this way…

Every round is a match and a bet
Nothing big, just enough to break sweat.
Score’s up and then down.
When we finish the round,
‘No blood’ is the end that we get.

Tiger limericks just keep coming. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel…

There was a young wife name of Elin
Whose husband could not keep from swellin’
At every young slut
Who wiggled her butt.
What she’ll get in divorce there’s no tellin’.

The texts’ were all short, never wordy.
Meet me-at your place-seven thirty.
The voice in his head
Was ignored when it said,
“It will cost if you hole that birdie”.

Mighty Tiger has taken a fall
From misuse of his ‘club’ and his ‘balls’.
The lesson to share
Is please be aware
That the Penis can demean us all!

and finally, my favorite…

On the course, he’s in total command
But at night he’s a slave to his gland.
Instead of a thrust
To fulfill his lust,
He could have just lent it a hand.

The PGA Tour

Mike — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:38:29 +0000

The Open will start to enthrall
Golfers from here to Nepal
Tiger’s the bet
But don’t pay off yet
The winner just might be Duval.

Watson had given his best
But just fell short of the test
He led all the way
But stumbled today
And Stewart surmounted the crest.

Sometimes they play out of sync
At others they just seem to stink
But in a tournament so weighty
To shoot over eighty
They now say he ‘Stewart Cink’d’.

It’s not like the others aren’t tryin’
But Tiger still leaves them all cryin’
When it comes to the swing
He is still the King
We need to start calling him Lion.