Golf Limerick Poems

Better Late Than Never

Mike — Tue, 24 May 2011 18:03:55 +0000

Mark’s been asking for months where his limerick is for the eagle putt he made last year at Summitpointe. As if I have any control over the Limerick gods. What…you think I just make this stuff up?

Mark’s asking “where the hell is my Lim
For the eagle that I putted in?”
But my talent for rhyme
Does not respect time
And instead comes as more of a whim.

So please pardon my missive if late
As in no way it’s meant to deflate
The size of your deed
Or whatever you need
To feel you’ve been given due weight.

We’re hearing rumors that Jeffery is working on some secret ’super steel shaft’ to give him extra length and help him score. Maybe it will even be enough to play from the blues….

Said Jeffery “I’ll play from the whites
Cause my index is reaching new heights,
My release is too early
And aim is too squirrelly
So the blue tees just give me the frights”.

Finally, as our Myrtle Beach trip approaches, we’re all on the edge of our seats to see who will win the vaunted McGraw Cup. With the field being expanded this year from two to three, it promises to be a real dust up….

Mike’s watching his index go up
Right before he competes for the Cup.
It’s McGraw and not Ryder
So he who is wider
Will most likely have to pay up.

Great Ryder Cup Finish, Poor CBS Telecast

Mike — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 02:19:49 +0000

This was one of the best Ryder Cup tournaments although much of it I missed. With the rain delays and CBS insistent on showing it live (starting at 1:00 am on the west coast), I missed most of the TV telecast. Fortunately, I caught the last part of the last day to see the dramatic finish.

I really didn’t care who won. The PGA Tour is international and many of my favorite players are non-American. The whole thing is becoming more of an anachronism. Many players are excluded because they are not European or American. The Presidents Cup is a lame attempt to address this but what about a Cup for the Europeans vs. the Internationals? Regardless, I have no complaints. I like the format, the golf is excellent and the drama is good.

The U.S. tried hard with a rally
After two days that saw them just dally.
But the lead was to great
To fully negate
And they fell a point short in the tally.

The crowd got engaged and was roaring
The excitement and tension were soaring,
But host CBS
Missed the largesse
‘Cause most of their viewers were snoring.

If the Ryder Cup weather in Wales
Continues to soak with it’s gales,
To keep up their speed
The Captains’ will need
To outfit their golf cart with sails.

The Euro’s good play and moreover
The use of a lucky white clover,
Should bring home a win
But to their chagrin
The rain had the Cup runneth over.

The play of the U.S. just sucked
It’s as if they were on self-destruct.
Perhaps they should deign
In lieu of the rain,
To seek the advice of a duck.

Lazy Days of Summer Golf

Mike — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 04:29:42 +0000

Golf is a game of skill and frustration…not necessarily in that order. Even the most mild-mannered of temperament can be brought down to new lows…

When his short putt just slipped by the hole
In frustration he lost all control
And gouged out the green
On number fourteen,
Like something carved out by a mole.

Embarrassed, he wished to implore
His etiquette had been heretofore
Exemplary in kind.
So we’re more inclined
To speak of this event…nevermore.

You gotta love playing ‘dots’ (putting betting game) except when you’re not putting well. On the other hand, sometimes dots are all you’ve got…

Here’s a maxim you should not ignore:
‘Your dots don’t depend on your score’.
Just missing the green
Is most often seen
As the road to dot winnings galore.

Mike has graciously paid off his bet that was two years in the making. He got within .5 index points to surpassing me but then ‘regression to the mean’ took over. Now he’s looking to reset his ‘mean’.

Our Labor Day bet is concluded
But my victory hasn’t precluded,
Mike’s desire to proclaim
A superior game
So a rematch has now been included.

Jeffery, Jeffery, Jeffery. So close and yet so far. At least he didn’t shoot another 92.

When Jeffery had found he’s on track
To post his best score on the back,
He started to swoon
When he counted too soon,
So his old record still is intact.

We had a new player this weekend who proceeded to drop every putt in sight and take our money. We’ll still invite him back because he was a good fellow… and because we want our money BACK!

A fellow whose name, Nick ‘Banana’
Blew in like an old tramontana
To take our dot money
Like a bear stealing honey.
He’s certainly no Pollyanna.

British Open a Yawner

Mike — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 02:03:57 +0000

I was a little disappointed with the the British Open. I was hoping for more wind and rain (or maybe it’s because I lost my bet). Either way, without the weather, the course is defenseless. Guys were driving the greens on many par 4’s. It also didn’t help that there was no drama at the end. Oh well, it’s still deserves limericks as a Major so I hope you enjoy.

McIlroy’s game was ablaze
As his opening round did amaze,
But from lofty heights
Reality bites
When he and the lead parted ways.

Although Tiger wasn’t despairing
To change out your putter is daring.
He tried a new stick
But changed it back quick
As the club was more like a red herring.

Though Phil had his problems quite early
He’s always polite and not surly.
But when all he can say
Is “it’s fun just to play”,
You know that his score was quite burly.

John Daly shot out of the gate
But one round is all he’d create.
You’ll have to admit
He’s looking quite fit
But his score is not tracking his weight.

Oosthuizen won going away.
“Who’s he?” is what many still say.
But a win for this fella
And a birthday for Mandela
Make an all South African day.

2010 U.S. Open Limericks

Mike — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 22:30:22 +0000

It was a tough U.S. Open tournament this year. Pebble Beach was setup with hard, fast greens that made getting the ball close very difficult, especially on the back nine. All the big names faltered into the finish. Graham McDowell faltered just a little less to take home the championship.

Phil had his chances to win it
And tried on the front nine to skin it.
But he three putted twice
And his score paid the price
So by end he was no longer in it.

Seems Tiger was thought a contender
His Saturday round such a splendor.
But a front nine plus three
Aborted his spree
And the back nine then forced his surrender.

Ernie had started off strong
And at one point was leading the throng
But a crash and a burn
On three holes at the turn
Saw the Championship waving ’so long’.

Who in the world is Havret (Have-ray)
And where did he find his good play?
He bested a crew
Of notables who
By rights should have blown him away.

In the end ’twas a lad named McDowell
Who refused to just throw in the towel.
This week he was gifted
So pints were all lifted
And you could hear Northern Ireland howl.

Graham McDowell

More pictures…