Golf Limerick Poems » Etiquette

Lazy Days of Summer Golf

Mike — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 04:29:42 +0000

Golf is a game of skill and frustration…not necessarily in that order. Even the most mild-mannered of temperament can be brought down to new lows…

When his short putt just slipped by the hole
In frustration he lost all control
And gouged out the green
On number fourteen,
Like something carved out by a mole.

Embarrassed, he wished to implore
His etiquette had been heretofore
Exemplary in kind.
So we’re more inclined
To speak of this event…nevermore.

You gotta love playing ‘dots’ (putting betting game) except when you’re not putting well. On the other hand, sometimes dots are all you’ve got…

Here’s a maxim you should not ignore:
‘Your dots don’t depend on your score’.
Just missing the green
Is most often seen
As the road to dot winnings galore.

Mike has graciously paid off his bet that was two years in the making. He got within .5 index points to surpassing me but then ‘regression to the mean’ took over. Now he’s looking to reset his ‘mean’.

Our Labor Day bet is concluded
But my victory hasn’t precluded,
Mike’s desire to proclaim
A superior game
So a rematch has now been included.

Jeffery, Jeffery, Jeffery. So close and yet so far. At least he didn’t shoot another 92.

When Jeffery had found he’s on track
To post his best score on the back,
He started to swoon
When he counted too soon,
So his old record still is intact.

We had a new player this weekend who proceeded to drop every putt in sight and take our money. We’ll still invite him back because he was a good fellow… and because we want our money BACK!

A fellow whose name, Nick ‘Banana’
Blew in like an old tramontana
To take our dot money
Like a bear stealing honey.
He’s certainly no Pollyanna.

Springtime Golf and the Stanley Cup

Mike — Sun, 02 May 2010 16:53:34 +0000

Finally we’re getting some good golfing weather! I still haven’t broken out my shorts but some others have. I’m now playing more golf than I’m watching. Tiger has definitely taken some air out of the PGA Tour but mostly it’s the Stanley Cup playoffs. There’s some great hockey being played now so check it out if you haven’t done so already.

One of my playing partners finally managed to face down his nemesis hole. A soul crunching, game wrenching, uber difficult shot over water on a…116 yard par 3! Then again, he plays with a Noodle.

Hole seven was always beyond
His shot-making skill to respond.
But this time his swing
Had just enough zing
That he managed to carry the pond.

Mike’s come up with a new and novel excuse for hitting bad shots…

His pitch shot did much to remove
The hope that his score would improve.
After hitting it thin
He said with a grin,
“I hit the ball on the wrong groove.”

Manny wins the award for student of the year! If everyone else would just listen…

When Manny came seeking advice
On a tee ball gone hooking left twice,
He asked Johnny “Why?”
Whose expert reply
Was “a later release will suffice.”

So Manny then heeded this sage
And re-teed to write a new page.
A high soaring draw
The envy of all
Showed this Johnny as wise beyond age.

Finally, here’s a new dirty trick in the fairway that I’d never heard before…

A tee in the fairways forbidden
But some, if integrities slidden,
Will try to disguise
Improving their lies.
Green Lifesaver tees will stay hidden.

Tiger’s Taking All the Heat

Mike — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:10:02 +0000

You’ll have to pardon all the new looks for the site. I can’t make up my mind. It’s a good thing we got a round in over the weekend because its gotten cold although Tiger’s still feeling the heat. He’s a limerick writers dream! Take a look at my new Golf Tips section. You can’t get lessons like this at any price!

Only the most intrepid golfers are out at the crack of dawn in this weather…

In the winter it’s tougher to find
The players who show but don’t mind,
About cold or some sun
It’s part of the fun
When your brain and the game are entwined.

Seems most of my golf bets with Mike end this way…

Every round is a match and a bet
Nothing big, just enough to break sweat.
Score’s up and then down.
When we finish the round,
‘No blood’ is the end that we get.

Tiger limericks just keep coming. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel…

There was a young wife name of Elin
Whose husband could not keep from swellin’
At every young slut
Who wiggled her butt.
What she’ll get in divorce there’s no tellin’.

The texts’ were all short, never wordy.
Meet me-at your place-seven thirty.
The voice in his head
Was ignored when it said,
“It will cost if you hole that birdie”.

Mighty Tiger has taken a fall
From misuse of his ‘club’ and his ‘balls’.
The lesson to share
Is please be aware
That the Penis can demean us all!

and finally, my favorite…

On the course, he’s in total command
But at night he’s a slave to his gland.
Instead of a thrust
To fulfill his lust,
He could have just lent it a hand.

Boulder Ridge and the Rules

Mike — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:55:44 +0000

Some courses just seem to leave an indelible mark that never goes away no matter how many times you play them…

Boulder Ridge is so aptly named,
With rocks its big claim to fame.
Foreboding despair,
Hangs in the air
You win if you only get maimed.

The ‘Kiln’ , I have coined the new name,
For your course which has earned new acclaim.
It cooks and then beats ya’
Like a brick oven pizza.
Then slices and devours your game.

Our last rules “discussion” comes to a fair and equitable end. Integrity still reigns supreme on the golf course...

With his integrity on the line
My partner in golf did opine,
“The rules, I have bent
And the moneys’ been spent,
But I will repay every dime”.

Boulder Ridge is so aptly named,

With rocks its big claim to fame.

Foreboding despair,

Hangs in the air

You’re victorious to only get maimed.

This Week in Limericks

Mike — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 21:28:06 +0000

The minute I recited this last line to myself, I knew it had to become a limerick…

When our friend couldn’t play we’d chafe
Though his tee shots always would strafe
Anything in play
Except the fairway
At least the water fowl were safe.

What’s golf without the occasional confusion over the rules…

A provisional had been played
‘Cause his tee shot had been sprayed
When lo and behold
He found where it rolled
And rejoiced at the par he made.

There’s no accounting for bad behavior…

My partner was falling behind
So I setup to hit and save time
Then over my head
His ball flew instead
His etiquette crossed over the line.

Finally, a nod to a new member of the ‘fourth’ list…

We had a new fourth this time
An old colleague who played just fine
I’m not sure when
But we’ll invite him again
‘Cause his score was one more than mine.