Golf Limerick Poems » Betting

Lazy Days of Summer Golf

Mike — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 04:29:42 +0000

Golf is a game of skill and frustration…not necessarily in that order. Even the most mild-mannered of temperament can be brought down to new lows…

When his short putt just slipped by the hole
In frustration he lost all control
And gouged out the green
On number fourteen,
Like something carved out by a mole.

Embarrassed, he wished to implore
His etiquette had been heretofore
Exemplary in kind.
So we’re more inclined
To speak of this event…nevermore.

You gotta love playing ‘dots’ (putting betting game) except when you’re not putting well. On the other hand, sometimes dots are all you’ve got…

Here’s a maxim you should not ignore:
‘Your dots don’t depend on your score’.
Just missing the green
Is most often seen
As the road to dot winnings galore.

Mike has graciously paid off his bet that was two years in the making. He got within .5 index points to surpassing me but then ‘regression to the mean’ took over. Now he’s looking to reset his ‘mean’.

Our Labor Day bet is concluded
But my victory hasn’t precluded,
Mike’s desire to proclaim
A superior game
So a rematch has now been included.

Jeffery, Jeffery, Jeffery. So close and yet so far. At least he didn’t shoot another 92.

When Jeffery had found he’s on track
To post his best score on the back,
He started to swoon
When he counted too soon,
So his old record still is intact.

We had a new player this weekend who proceeded to drop every putt in sight and take our money. We’ll still invite him back because he was a good fellow… and because we want our money BACK!

A fellow whose name, Nick ‘Banana’
Blew in like an old tramontana
To take our dot money
Like a bear stealing honey.
He’s certainly no Pollyanna.

British Open a Yawner

Mike — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 02:03:57 +0000

I was a little disappointed with the the British Open. I was hoping for more wind and rain (or maybe it’s because I lost my bet). Either way, without the weather, the course is defenseless. Guys were driving the greens on many par 4’s. It also didn’t help that there was no drama at the end. Oh well, it’s still deserves limericks as a Major so I hope you enjoy.

McIlroy’s game was ablaze
As his opening round did amaze,
But from lofty heights
Reality bites
When he and the lead parted ways.

Although Tiger wasn’t despairing
To change out your putter is daring.
He tried a new stick
But changed it back quick
As the club was more like a red herring.

Though Phil had his problems quite early
He’s always polite and not surly.
But when all he can say
Is “it’s fun just to play”,
You know that his score was quite burly.

John Daly shot out of the gate
But one round is all he’d create.
You’ll have to admit
He’s looking quite fit
But his score is not tracking his weight.

Oosthuizen won going away.
“Who’s he?” is what many still say.
But a win for this fella
And a birthday for Mandela
Make an all South African day.

Next Stop Myrtle Beach!

Mike — Sun, 23 May 2010 00:04:00 +0000

I thought that Mike might stumble after his swing coach, Joey, moved to Bend, Oregon but then along comes Stevie to give him a putting lesson and…

Mike’s lesson brought changes into view
With putting the object of review.
He replaced his old poke
With a new smoother stroke
And tied my ‘dot’ record twenty two.

Jeffery’s game is on fire from tee to…..the middle of the fairway. Anywhere near the green and the demons are set loose. We’ve a new phrase for when you’re around the green in two and walk off with a seven…”he sure Jeffery’d that hole!”.

Jeff’s tee ball we’ve started ignoring
Though straight down the middle they’re soaring.
Until he lays claim
To a better short game
They won’t do much good for his scoring.

One of our playing partners said he used to be called ‘twinkle toes’ with a soccer ball. Given his current ’stature’ I had trouble reconciling that…and it certainly didn’t carry over to his golf game. That said, he’s good company and knows his beer!

He claimed a nickname ‘twinkle toes’
From the soccer ball skill that he shows.
But with a golf ball
He’s not that at all,
His twinkle is sprinkled with woes.

We’ll be off on our annual Myrtle Beach golf extravaganza next week. Nothing but eating, sleeping and golfing with occasional forays into town to uncover entertainment (note to wives, it’s just Bingo).

It’s Myrtle time first week of June
Where we golf whether sun or monsoon.
With mornings sedate
After lunch we create
A golf ‘party’ round afternoon.

Lazy Days of Spring

Mike — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 05:17:31 +0000

Jeff and I had a good match the other day. We were neck-in-neck until the 17th when ‘regression to the mean’ reared it’s ugly head…

His good play had tagged him contender
But he turned out to be a pretender.
A hole he made tough
With two shots from the rough,
Had left him no choice but surrender.

I know he’s behind me and I could barely hear him coming until he eagled the 18th this weekend. It’s a classic match…only this time…there can be no blood!

His tee ball is longer and straight
An advantage right out of the gate.
But my irons and wedge
Still give me the edge
On the index bimonthly update.

We’re getting closer to our annual Myrtle Beach trip so I though I’d throw in a little teaser…

The One That Got Away

Mike — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 20:02:13 +0000

Here’s the funniest story of the year! We were playing at Pacific Grove near Monterey Bay, CA and had all rented pull carts (those three-wheeled jobs that roll real easily). As my partner was waiting his turn in the fairway, he noticed his cart starting to roll downhill. No problem, he thought as he looked back to watch another player hit. It’ll roll a little ways then stop. As he turned back, he saw it still rolling, picking up speed and headed for the lake! He burst into a run (such as it was) and the chase was on. I’m howling with laughter as the cart continues to pull away with our friend straining mightily in what appears to be a losing effort. It took me three limericks to capture the whole story. Enjoy!

In the fairway he’d made a mistake
By failing to engage the brake.
His cart started rolling
As we were extolling,
“It’s headed straight into the lake!”

When finally he heard what we said
His eyes bulged with impending dread.
He started to run
Which heightened the fun,
‘Cause he’s slow and a bit over-fed.

As the cart started pulling away
We laughed at the comic display.
In the end it stopped short
As the rough did abort,
Our story from Monterey Bay.