Golf Limerick Poems

British Open a Yawner

I was a little disappointed with the the British Open. I was hoping for more wind and rain (or maybe it’s because I lost my bet). Either way, without the weather, the course is defenseless. Guys were driving the greens on many par 4’s. It also didn’t help that there was no drama at the end. Oh well, it’s still deserves limericks as a Major so I hope you enjoy.

McIlroy’s game was ablaze
As his opening round did amaze,
But from lofty heights
Reality bites
When he and the lead parted ways.

Although Tiger wasn’t despairing
To change out your putter is daring.
He tried a new stick
But changed it back quick
As the club was more like a red herring.

Though Phil had his problems quite early
He’s always polite and not surly.
But when all he can say
Is “it’s fun just to play”,
You know that his score was quite burly.

John Daly shot out of the gate
But one round is all he’d create.
You’ll have to admit
He’s looking quite fit
But his score is not tracking his weight.

Oosthuizen won going away.
“Who’s he?” is what many still say.
But a win for this fella
And a birthday for Mandela
Make an all South African day.

2010 U.S. Open Limericks

It was a tough U.S. Open tournament this year. Pebble Beach was setup with hard, fast greens that made getting the ball close very difficult, especially on the back nine. All the big names faltered into the finish. Graham McDowell faltered just a little less to take home the championship.

Phil had his chances to win it
And tried on the front nine to skin it.
But he three putted twice
And his score paid the price
So by end he was no longer in it.

Seems Tiger was thought a contender
His Saturday round such a splendor.
But a front nine plus three
Aborted his spree
And the back nine then forced his surrender.

Ernie had started off strong
And at one point was leading the throng
But a crash and a burn
On three holes at the turn
Saw the Championship waving ’so long’.

Who in the world is Havret (Have-ray)
And where did he find his good play?
He bested a crew
Of notables who
By rights should have blown him away.

In the end ’twas a lad named McDowell
Who refused to just throw in the towel.
This week he was gifted
So pints were all lifted
And you could hear Northern Ireland howl.

Graham McDowell

More pictures…

Myrtle Beach Golf

Getting to Myrtle Beach from the San Francisco Bay area is such a pain. It’s two legs minimum and this year a red-eye in order to use frequent flyer miles. Of course, once we’re there, all is forgiven…

We got in the next day at eleven,
A red-eye to reach golfer heaven.
We’re in Myrtle beach
With my first round a peach,
I carded a seventy-seven.

Myrtle Beach is all about golfing and drinking, and drinking and golfing, and golfing and drinking, and…you get the picture…

We don’t play for applause or the cheers
But instead, the music to our ears,
Is popping the top
Outside the snack shop
On a fresh, new iced bag-o-beers.

For some reason, Myrtle Beach always brings out the theatrics in Jeff. This year it was a bitter dispute with a hybrid…

It soared thru the air with such height
‘Tis a shame it was such a short flight.
But clubs cannot fly
And I heard no good-bye
As it splashed and then sunk out of sight.

Mike’s last putter lesson from Stevie paid big dividends in Myrtle although we also suspect his Dad’s unfailing attendance at church…

Mike’s putter this week was on fire
As if from a new found desire.
But always there’s mention
Of divine intervention,
Was it Stevie or someone else higher?

Thanks to Mark who suggested this topic. I’m quite proud of this one…

First Tiger and Hank had a breakup
And then Mike and Joey, a shakeup.
But when Jeff said good-bye
To his bottle of Skyy,
He just bought another to makeup.

Next Stop Myrtle Beach!

I thought that Mike might stumble after his swing coach, Joey, moved to Bend, Oregon but then along comes Stevie to give him a putting lesson and…

Mike’s lesson brought changes into view
With putting the object of review.
He replaced his old poke
With a new smoother stroke
And tied my ‘dot’ record twenty two.

Jeffery’s game is on fire from tee to…..the middle of the fairway. Anywhere near the green and the demons are set loose. We’ve a new phrase for when you’re around the green in two and walk off with a seven…”he sure Jeffery’d that hole!”.

Jeff’s tee ball we’ve started ignoring
Though straight down the middle they’re soaring.
Until he lays claim
To a better short game
They won’t do much good for his scoring.

One of our playing partners said he used to be called ‘twinkle toes’ with a soccer ball. Given his current ’stature’ I had trouble reconciling that…and it certainly didn’t carry over to his golf game. That said, he’s good company and knows his beer!

He claimed a nickname ‘twinkle toes’
From the soccer ball skill that he shows.
But with a golf ball
He’s not that at all,
His twinkle is sprinkled with woes.

We’ll be off on our annual Myrtle Beach golf extravaganza next week. Nothing but eating, sleeping and golfing with occasional forays into town to uncover entertainment (note to wives, it’s just Bingo).

It’s Myrtle time first week of June
Where we golf whether sun or monsoon.
With mornings sedate
After lunch we create
A golf ‘party’ round afternoon.

Springtime Golf and the Stanley Cup

Finally we’re getting some good golfing weather! I still haven’t broken out my shorts but some others have. I’m now playing more golf than I’m watching. Tiger has definitely taken some air out of the PGA Tour but mostly it’s the Stanley Cup playoffs. There’s some great hockey being played now so check it out if you haven’t done so already.

One of my playing partners finally managed to face down his nemesis hole. A soul crunching, game wrenching, uber difficult shot over water on a…116 yard par 3! Then again, he plays with a Noodle.

Hole seven was always beyond
His shot-making skill to respond.
But this time his swing
Had just enough zing
That he managed to carry the pond.

Mike’s come up with a new and novel excuse for hitting bad shots…

His pitch shot did much to remove
The hope that his score would improve.
After hitting it thin
He said with a grin,
“I hit the ball on the wrong groove.”

Manny wins the award for student of the year! If everyone else would just listen…

When Manny came seeking advice
On a tee ball gone hooking left twice,
He asked Johnny “Why?”
Whose expert reply
Was “a later release will suffice.”

So Manny then heeded this sage
And re-teed to write a new page.
A high soaring draw
The envy of all
Showed this Johnny as wise beyond age.

Finally, here’s a new dirty trick in the fairway that I’d never heard before…

A tee in the fairways forbidden
But some, if integrities slidden,
Will try to disguise
Improving their lies.
Green Lifesaver tees will stay hidden.

Golf Limerick Poems

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British Open a Yawner

2010 U.S. Open Limericks

Myrtle Beach Golf

Next Stop Myrtle Beach!

Springtime Golf and the Stanley Cup

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