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Masters Limericks and More

I’m back with a new batch of Masters limericks. It’s been awhile since my last post but I am just a conduit for the limericks gods. When they decide to speak, I write them down.

An Aussie has found how to master
Avoiding a Master’s disaster
With no ifs, ands, or buts
Adam Scott made the putts
To become golfing’s newest headmaster.

Jason had struggled to stay
In the lead and keep others at bay
But two bogeys late
Determined his fate,
I guess it was not Jason’s Day.

Bubba was charging but then
Hit the water again and again.
By the time he was dry
With a tear in his eye
He had to be carding a ten.

These next two limericks are for Jeff and Will who challenged me with some difficult words. Game on homies ;-).

Thorbjorn Olesen you say?
Weird name but he had a good day
Though his game is top rung
He’s twisted my tongue
How about we nickname him TJ?

If your tee shot has missed the fairway
And it cannot be found you can say
“I’ve lost mine I fear
But another is near”
Then a suitable substitute’s ok.

Better Late Than Never

Mark’s been asking for months where his limerick is for the eagle putt he made last year at Summitpointe. As if I have any control over the Limerick gods. What…you think I just make this stuff up?

Mark’s asking “where the hell is my Lim
For the eagle that I putted in?”
But my talent for rhyme
Does not respect time
And instead comes as more of a whim.

So please pardon my missive if late
As in no way it’s meant to deflate
The size of your deed
Or whatever you need
To feel you’ve been given due weight.

We’re hearing rumors that Jeffery is working on some secret ‘super steel shaft’ to give him extra length and help him score. Maybe it will even be enough to play from the blues….

Said Jeffery “I’ll play from the whites
Cause my index is reaching new heights,
My release is too early
And aim is too squirrelly
So the blue tees just give me the frights”.

Finally, as our Myrtle Beach trip approaches, we’re all on the edge of our seats to see who will win the vaunted McGraw Cup. With the field being expanded this year from two to three, it promises to be a real dust up….

Mike’s watching his index go up
Right before he competes for the Cup.
It’s McGraw and not Ryder
So he who is wider
Will most likely have to pay up.

Great Ryder Cup Finish, Poor CBS Telecast

This was one of the best Ryder Cup tournaments although much of it I missed. With the rain delays and CBS insistent on showing it live (starting at 1:00 am on the west coast), I missed most of the TV telecast. Fortunately, I caught the last part of the last day to see the dramatic finish.

I really didn’t care who won. The PGA Tour is international and many of my favorite players are non-American. The whole thing is becoming more of an anachronism. Many players are excluded because they are not European or American. The Presidents Cup is a lame attempt to address this but what about a Cup for the Europeans vs. the Internationals? Regardless, I have no complaints. I like the format, the golf is excellent and the drama is good.

The U.S. tried hard with a rally
After two days that saw them just dally.
But the lead was to great
To fully negate
And they fell a point short in the tally.

The crowd got engaged and was roaring
The excitement and tension were soaring,
But host CBS
Missed the largesse
‘Cause most of their viewers were snoring.

If the Ryder Cup weather in Wales
Continues to soak with it’s gales,
To keep up their speed
The Captains’ will need
To outfit their golf cart with sails.

The Euro’s good play and moreover
The use of a lucky white clover,
Should bring home a win
But to their chagrin
The rain had the Cup runneth over.

The play of the U.S. just sucked
It’s as if they were on self-destruct.
Perhaps they should deign
In lieu of the rain,
To seek the advice of a duck.

Lazy Days of Summer Golf

Golf is a game of skill and frustration…not necessarily in that order. Even the most mild-mannered of temperament can be brought down to new lows…

When his short putt just slipped by the hole
In frustration he lost all control
And gouged out the green
On number fourteen,
Like something carved out by a mole.

Embarrassed, he wished to implore
His etiquette had been heretofore
Exemplary in kind.
So we’re more inclined
To speak of this event…nevermore.

You gotta love playing ‘dots’ (putting betting game) except when you’re not putting well. On the other hand, sometimes dots are all you’ve got…

Here’s a maxim you should not ignore:
‘Your dots don’t depend on your score’.
Just missing the green
Is most often seen
As the road to dot winnings galore.

Mike has graciously paid off his bet that was two years in the making. He got within .5 index points to surpassing me but then ‘regression to the mean’ took over. Now he’s looking to reset his ‘mean’.

Our Labor Day bet is concluded
But my victory hasn’t precluded,
Mike’s desire to proclaim
A superior game
So a rematch has now been included.

Jeffery, Jeffery, Jeffery. So close and yet so far. At least he didn’t shoot another 92.

When Jeffery had found he’s on track
To post his best score on the back,
He started to swoon
When he counted too soon,
So his old record still is intact.

We had a new player this weekend who proceeded to drop every putt in sight and take our money. We’ll still invite him back because he was a good fellow… and because we want our money BACK!

A fellow whose name, Nick ‘Banana’
Blew in like an old tramontana
To take our dot money
Like a bear stealing honey.
He’s certainly no Pollyanna.

British Open a Yawner

I was a little disappointed with the the British Open. I was hoping for more wind and rain (or maybe it’s because I lost my bet). Either way, without the weather, the course is defenseless. Guys were driving the greens on many par 4’s. It also didn’t help that there was no drama at the end. Oh well, it’s still deserves limericks as a Major so I hope you enjoy.

McIlroy’s game was ablaze
As his opening round did amaze,
But from lofty heights
Reality bites
When he and the lead parted ways.

Although Tiger wasn’t despairing
To change out your putter is daring.
He tried a new stick
But changed it back quick
As the club was more like a red herring.

Though Phil had his problems quite early
He’s always polite and not surly.
But when all he can say
Is “it’s fun just to play”,
You know that his score was quite burly.

John Daly shot out of the gate
But one round is all he’d create.
You’ll have to admit
He’s looking quite fit
But his score is not tracking his weight.

Oosthuizen won going away.
“Who’s he?” is what many still say.
But a win for this fella
And a birthday for Mandela
Make an all South African day.